Romance Author Jeopardy

by admin
Presenting…
Romance Author Jeopardy!  With your hostess: Lyssa Keusch, editor extraordinaire!
Today’s contestants:
By day she captains a whaling vessel in the North Sea, by night she battles zombie werewolves… We don’t know WHEN she writes books… She’s Connie Brockway!
She speaks sixteen languages and eats nothing but coconut macaroons… We don’t know HOW she maintains that girlish figure…  She’s Eloisa James!
And finally, our last contestant is the first human ever to have an intravenous coffee drip… She’s a little jittery and a lot awake… She’s Julia Quinn!
(This is where we’d play the Jeopardy! tune, except that we know a lot of you are secretly tuning in from work, and we don’t want to get you in trouble.  Also, then we’d have to pay someone for the use of the music, and we do take copyright seriously around here.)
LYSSA: Hello!  And Welcome to Romance Author Jeopardy!  I’m your hostess, Lyssa Keusch.  Our categories today are: Shakespearean Quotes, Dishy Movie Stars, Marine Mammals, Books that don’t have Zombies, Werewolves or Vampires, and Overpriced Coffee Drinks.  We did a coin toss backstage and our first contestant is Connie.
ELOISA: Non c’era nessuna moneta.
LYSSA: In English, please, Eloisa.
ELOISA: There was no coin.
CONNIE: Julia used it to tip the barista backstage.
JULIA: She put an extra shot in my latte.
LYSSA: Connie, what category do you choose?
CONNIE: I’ll take Dishy Movie Stars for 100, please.
LYSSA: This Engish actor played a famous Austen hero AND a modern character named after that hero.
JULIA: Who is Colin Firth!  Who is Colin Firth!
LYSSA: Correct.  Bonus if you can name the movies I referenced.
JULIA: Pride & Prejudice and Bridget Jones’s Diary.
LYSSA: I’m sorry, but I can’t accept that.
CONNIE: (slamming her hand on the buzzer).  What are Pride & Prejudice and Bridget Jones’s Diary?
LYSSA: Correct!  Connie, you choose again.
JULIA: I don’t remember bonus questions in Jeopardy.  Eloisa, do you?
ELOISA: Nein.
CONNIE: I’ll take Shakespearean Quotes for 100.
LYSSA: This character said, “To Be—”
ELOISA: Who is Hamlet!  200!
LYSSA: Out, out—
ELOISA: Who is Lady Macbeth!  300
LYSSA: The quality—
ELOISA: Who is Portia! 400.
LYSSA:  Romeo—
ELOISA: Who is Juliet!  500.
LYSSA: The—
ELOISA: Who is King Lear!
LYSSA: Correct!  Eloisa has cleaned out the category.  Well done!
JULIA:  Wait a sec.  Wasn’t she supposed to tell someone that she’s a tenured professor of Shakespeare?
CONNIE:  I knew the last one.  I didn’t buzz in in time because I got tangled in Julia’s I.V. line.
JULIA: Do not mess with my coffee drip.
LYSSA: Eloisa, choose another category.
ELOISA:  I’ll take Books Without Zombies, Werewolves, or Vampires, Lyssa.
LYSSA: Excellent choice.  This classic takes place in the Hundred Acre Wood.
JULIA: What is Winnie the Pooh?
CONNIE: I’m pretty sure that a talking bear fits into one of those categories somehow.
JULIA: Are you trying to tell me that Pooh Bear eats brains?
CONNIE: No, but it is clearly a paranormal tale.  Give him a love interest and you’ve got Twilight but with cabbages and honey.
LYSSA: What category would you like now, Julia?
CONNIE: No, wait a moment.  This could be big.  Huge.  I don’t know why anyone hasn’t thought of it before.
ELOISA: I think it would work better with werewolves.  Vampires are so wythnos ddiwethaf.
JULIA: Can’t we make her speak English?
LYSSA: Your category, Julia.
JULIA: I’ll take Overpriced Coffee Drinks for a thousand.
LYSSA: We only go up to 500 in this round.
JULIA: But I’ve had twelve shots of espresso already.
LYSSA: I’m not sure how that is relevant.
JULIA: I really want the thousand dollar question.
LYSSA: I don’t have—
JULIA: (with malevolent stare) Just give me the question, and no one gets hurt.
CONNIE: I’ve seen her like this before, Lyssa.  I think you should give her the question.
LYSSA:  Well, I can pull a thousand dollar question from the next round.  But it will have to be in a different category.
JULIA: That’s fine.  Connie?
CONNIE: Sure.
ELOISA: C’est la vie.
LYSSA: Okay, then.  The category is Collaborative Works of Historical Romance Published by Avon Books in the month of January 2011.
JULIA: Bring
CONNIE: It
ELOISA: On.
LYSSA: This book—
JULIA/CONNIE/ELOISA: The Lady Most Likely!!!!!!
LYSSA: Correct.   How about the same category for 800?  The cover—
JULIA/CONNIE/ELOISA: The Lady Most Likely!!!!!!
LYSSA: Correct again!  For 600 now…  In the—
JULIA/CONNIE/ELOISA: The Lady Most Likely!!!!!!
LYSSA: Wow!  You guys are amazing.  For 400 now…  This—
JULIA/CONNIE/ELOISA: The Lady Most Likely!!!!!!
LYSSA: Let’s finish the category!  If you—
JULIA/CONNIE/ELOISA: The Lady Most Likely!!!!!!
LYSSA: No, I’m sorry, the answer is twelve.  And that wraps up today’s version of Romance Author Jeopardy.  Next up: When Romance Authors Attack, followed by Medical Mysteries: Writers Block Edition.  Good night!